Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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