Me. At least after what I've been through.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
