There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
