in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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