You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
