last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
