Buhtt sex?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
