Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
