Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
