Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize