Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize