I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
