Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
