I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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