i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
