You smell like a Billy Joel song
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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