So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
