I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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