I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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