I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
