Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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