Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think your dad took our porno
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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