You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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