First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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