I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
