and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
