My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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