I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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