she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
