My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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