Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its not stalking. its research.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
