i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
