If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
