Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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