i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
