I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
