I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
