You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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