If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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