How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
