i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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