Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize