Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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