I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
