Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
