I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
