I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
