Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize