I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
