i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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