He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
