i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
