Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
