We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
