i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
