man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
