The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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