she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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