apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
