I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
