I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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