I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
