Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
