i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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