We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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