So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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