i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to have your abortion
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
