I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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