he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dick very happy bro
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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