I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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