last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
