marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
