I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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